My Morning Routine

This post was originally published April 8, 2019

My beauty routine begins with an elixir. I’ve opted for an apple cider vinegar drink with turmeric, which is supposed to boost your immune system, fight inflammation, and promote good digestion. Then, I smoke one cigarallo (like a cigar, but smaller) while standing outside by the subway entrance.

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Conquering My Addiction to Glamour

This post was originally published June 18, 2017

I wanted out of college the romantic, idealized version of teenage hedonism I saw in movies and online: running around Hollywood, brushing shoulders with the rich and famous, being photographed leaving clubs at 2am, wearing wild ridiculous costume-like outfits, looking fabulous and befriending the freaks and weirdos. I think I wanted to be a 2010's LA Club Kid.

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8 Office Pranks That’ll Make Your Coworkers say “…What?”

This post was originally published on October 11, 2018

3. Email your boss. Subject line: “pretty over this…”

“Getting a little fed up with some of the people in this office who are farting in the afternoon. Since no one else is stepping up to the plate, I will take it upon myself to just start calling people out (by name) when I smell it happening. Don’t need a raise for this, but wouldn’t mind one.”

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A Romantic Hit and Run

This post was originally published November 27, 2015

I'm sixteen years old, getting into my Izusu Trooper after school on a nice spring afternoon. I had moved my car from the parking lot to the curb in front of the theater during drama class, my last class of the day, so that I can make a quick getaway after the bell rings and avoid the traffic. As I pull out away from the curb, I see someone running towards my car. This person, who I'll call Micah (to protect his identity and also because he was so insignificant to me that I don't remember his name) darts in front of my car, forcing me to slam on the breaks, and taps against my window.

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The Seasonal Alien Pt. 2

This post was originally published January 12, 2015

From speaking to some of my seasonal friends, it started to look like most of the seasonal employees would just fade away, and a select few would stay. This was not the case for Alex, the seasonal alien.

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The Seasonal Alien Pt. 1

This post was originally published January 9, 2015

A month into my new job at a department store in New York City, the store hired a group of seasonal employees for the holiday season. This batch of employees, mostly men from the ages of 18 to 25, were the "weirdest group" ever seen in the history of the store, as calculated by a long-time employee and coworker of mine, Randy. Most of the men were trying to earn money while in school, though some were trying to build a career in fashion or retail. Of the new hires on my floor, the men's floor, I got to know a few and found that they were kind, eager, and a little unfocused. Now take this description, imagine the opposite, and call that man Alex.

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